Lost and Found: A Mothers Day Story

Here we are one more time. This is Dicphoth with stories to make sense of it all and it is the first week in May and next weekend will be Mother's Day. So I thought because it's Mother's Day to be great to talk to a guy. That's just the weirdness in me and we'll have other women on the podcast going through May. But this morning I'd like you to meet my friend Ray and Ray. How are you? Good. Thanks for having me on today. My joy. So you were born 70 years ago. By the way, congratulations on 70. I remember that year well. You were born 70 years ago where I won't forget it either. Ran junction Colorado. Okay. So what we call the western slope and we're sitting on what is called well we're in Northern Colorado on the eastern slope of the Rockies Fort Collins. I'm going to go past the first part of your life and jump right to high school. Where did you go to high school? Putter High School in Fort Collins. And then what when you graduated? Then I decided to go to Metro State College and I saw my draft number was high on the draft so I volunteered for the draft. I knew the career I wanted to get in law enforcement. So I became a military policeman. So that would have been back in the 70s? Yes. That had been 71, 72 and 70. Right at the height of the Vietnam War. So you became a military policeman then you got out after how many years? Three years. And what did you do then? Then the very next day that I got out of the military I was hired by the state of Colorado through another law enforcement agency to be an undercover drug agency. Really? How long did you do that? For a couple years. Okay. And then where? And then I got hired by Fort Collins Police Department and they kept me undercover for a while because they want to utilize my skill setting and I'm still with that same drug team at the same time. Right. How long were you a police officer or a cop? Can I say cop? Is that okay? That's okay. You call yourself a cop. For 25 years altogether. Really? Yes. Right here in Fort Collins. Well, I include that with the military police background and my undercover time and with Fort Collins Police Department. So I had probably a little over 25 years. So what do you do after you've been 25 years in law enforcement? Well, you take a deep breath and exhale and realize, wow, I was caught up on that for so many years. And then you realize there is another world, which is outside of law enforcement. So I became a weekly column writer for the Colorado newspaper for a couple of years. Well, why not go from law enforcement to writing? Here's a pun from writing on the beat. You go from to writing for the Colorado after that one. And then I decide to run for mayor. And that's another big job, right? It is. So I ran for mayor and I got elected by the people in 1999 and left office in 2005, April of 2005. Okay. So six years. You did that. Selected three times. So April of 2005, you leave. And then for the next 10 years, you're in consultancy work and all of that sort of thing. I did a radio program for a while. Okay. In Greeley. So I had my own live talk show. And I worked for an IT company as their public relations person for about five and a half years. And then you went back into political life if I can put it that way by doing what? 10 years later from leaving mayor's office, I ran for city council in my district, district two. And wasn't sure if I was going to get reelected just because of the competition, but I did. So I served another four years in 2015. And now you're doing what? And now I'm still doing consulting work and writing books. I've written several books. Okay. And working for the banking industry, I'm on the board of directors for elevations credit union and busy with doing side jobs with consulting. And you're a great mentor to college students, university students and other young men around the city and country. You've been a busy guy in your 70s. And it feels like I've hopped every direction there is, but they all somehow tied together. Sure. So I want to go back because we're coming up on Mother's Day and so far we haven't talked about your mom or whatever. Let me go back to grand junction 70 years ago and you were born in grand junction. How long did you stay there? I live there for eight days. Why only eight days? I was re-leaked to the Colorado state orphanage for dependent and neglected children, which was in Denver, Colorado. Why would your mom have done that? Well, I didn't know either and it took me years to find out, but it turned out that she was violated against her will. And I was blessed to be born because she chose to give me life and not take it. So you went and lived in an orphanage for how long? Five years in Denver. And then a couple came along and said he's our guy. That's it. There's a few that reject me, but this one said we like him. So you were the phrase you've used with me when I've heard your story before is you were checked out sort of like a library book. Correct. Folks would then decide whether they want it. Yeah, they would check you out and they could keep you for a couple of weeks to see if you fit at home chemistry. I don't know if parents who give birth to their own children are allowed to try their kids out for a couple of weeks and give them back. I've never heard of that. But here it is. And I can always remember writing with him in the car and then making over me and everyone smiling and being happy. But coming back and I don't ever remember being in their home. But coming back, I was always writing in the back seat of the car and nobody talking to me. And I knew deep down inside they didn't like. And did this happen more than once? Several times. My goodness. And my parents were warned. They suggested that they look for another kid that I would probably be raised in that orphanage because I felt rejected. Sure. And they didn't think I would be a fit for any family. And here you are all these years later, not only were you a fit, but you have been successful in so many arenas in life and blessed so many people. So 2005 comes along and you leave the mayor's office in April. And in the fall of that year, you made a decision. In October of 2005, I decided. And the reason why I decided this because all these years behind me, I had been wanting to find my mother because I wanted to ask her, why did you throw me away? I had a chip on my head. That way. That way. And then I had kind of, well, I did. I really prayed about it. I said, God, I just really want to be able to find her and let her know that I was thankful that she gave me life and didn't take it. That's all I want to do. If I never see her, at least I just want to be a talker on the phone. And I want to do something before something happens to her or me. And it's just like God opened doors left and right. So almost 17 years ago, you started that search. How long did it take you to find her? About 30 days. 30 days. And what happened? How did you approach that? I came up with a phone number and the final analysis of my whole police detective work. And I called her and I told her I was doing a genealogy search. I wanted to see if she was really related to me or not. Then I started explaining my scenario to her and she listened. And was she here in this area? She lived in the broomfield area. In the broomfield area. So she listened. And then I started telling her about being relinquished to the state orphanage and being given up for adoption. She hung up on me. And you did what? I called back and she didn't answer. Right away. Right away. And she didn't answer. So I left a voice message and I told her I said, didn't want to bother her. But I just wanted to talk to her more details. I had no intentions of harming or scaring her in any way. And I just want to talk. And then I thought, I better leave this alone. I didn't know how long I was going to leave it alone. I went home that evening. I called her again from a different number. And when she answered the phone and I said, Gloria, don't hang up on me. This is Ray. And I explained her again that how life turned out and that it turned out very wonderfully. And I explained my career. So you told her about being in the army and she listened to me. Right. Now one interruption. She listened to everything. And I bet you I talked for 20, 25 minutes at least. And then she said, well, I have your numbers. And if I want to pursue this, I'll let you know. And I told I would never bother her again. I said, my mission had been accomplished. All I wanted to do is to thank her for giving me life and not taking my life and let her know that everything turned out well. So she took your numbers. Yes. And I didn't know if I was going to ever hear from her again. And I thought to myself, I should have never said I would never call her again. But instead she called me the next morning and said, well, and she was somewhat emotional. And she said, this is your mother. That was success just to hear her say that when you heard that I smiled. And I thought, I've got her. That's exactly what I thought. And she said, I told her, well, she told me she said, I need you to know what happened. And because it's good for you to know for health reasons. And you know why this came about and I told her, I said, you don't have to tell me. I said, if it bothers you, I don't care. I said, all I want to do is know her. And she said, well, I'd like to meet you. And I said, I'd like to meet you too. And we set up a breakfast date three or four days later. To meet that I hope I think on 120th. But during that phone conversation, she told me about the sexual offense that occurred to her. And she was really emotionally broken. And me too. I mean, I just I always kind of suspected that might have happened. That's why inward person told me that. And I didn't want to necessarily believe it, but I felt like I needed to know. And I found out that we met for breakfast and we had a very long breakfast. I thought I would get there early to beat her to the punch because I wanted to see her walk in. I just want to take it all in. Earlier than me. She beat me to the punch. It was just a perfect timing and a setting for everything. And I told I always want to hold you. I always want to hug you. And she said, I have to. We hugged each other in the restaurant and the restaurant. And they had a great breakfast and a long conversation. And she told me that she said, my kids can know nothing about this. And that's when I found out, you know, I had four sisters and a brother and the stepfather, Ross, such a great man. He passed away a couple years ago. And she said, they can know nothing about this. And I said, I won't say anything, but I said, you know how God is. Things just unfold. Sometimes we don't have control. And you had been brought up by a wonderful family here in this area, right? Yes. Your surname Martinez comes from them. Exactly. So the kids aren't supposed to know according to her. But something changed. She finally told Ross, her husband, I stepped that because she said, I've never lied to him. I'm not going to start now. So she told him the story and he wanted to meet me. We met again for lunch. And he told Gloria the kids have to know. And she said, no, no, they can't know. He goes, no, they have to know. It's important. And thanks to him. You answered. And we set it up. So you good. I love this part. So you went to meet the family in Brumfield. Yes. And what happened? Now it's on my way down there thinking about, you know, how am I going to talk to them? What am I going to say? Looking at myself in the mirror? Do I look okay? Those kinds of things. And so fast forward, my mother is the same time as having a meeting with the sisters. And she called a special meeting to talk to them about it because my brother couldn't make it. And she told him what had happened. She explained the whole story to him. And they were very loving and happy about it. And they were saying to her, why didn't you tell us this years ago? We were okay. We don't mind having another brother. And they said, well, when can we meet him? And she looked at her watch and she told him in about 10 minutes. And there was a race for the bathroom because they came over as they were. No makeup, nothing. So I got to see him as they were while they were fighting on the bathroom to get to their mirrors. So it was a funny situation. And it was a great meeting. It was like instant love, instant recognition, instant similarities and our facial features and things like that. So it was very a great long lunch. We're there for three hours talking and just sharing about things. And I think the beauty of it all is like, what does this feel like? You know, after I left on a went back home and people asked me as I was unfolding the story, I said, what does that feel like? I felt like it was gone on a very long trip and I just got back home. That's how it felt. Because I felt instant connection, instant love and smiles on both our sides. You know, they say smiling, the research and smiling increases or boosts your immunity. Sure. So I think all of us got our immunity boost. You got a, you got a shot of it. The thing that strikes me is how much our identity is connected to where we come from, our circumstances are both biological and other things. You know, we live in a day, you know, this better than I have identity politics that I'm so married to the issue that we can't talk about the issue without talking about you and that causes conversations to stop these days. But our identity in terms of roots and family biological and adoptive is so key, isn't it? Absolutely. Yeah. And that identity is, I always think, where does this come from? I wasn't related by blood to my adoptive parents, but I loved them so much. And I miss them. To this day, I still miss them. Both of them are gone. Both of them are gone. And I just had this great admiration for what they did for me. And I felt like, you know, being cut up in the circumstance that I was, that my mother was violated, I consider it that I was blessed. And you know, it's kind of like the story of Joseph. He told his brothers, right? He said, you know what you in store? Yes. And he said, would you intend it bad? God made good. What was intended to be bad for my mother? God made good. Yes, my mother said, you made my life come full circle when I found her. And I said the same thing. God made good of this. The God made a blessing out of this, not a tragedy. That's fantastic. Isn't it interesting that your birth was a result of what society would call a criminal act? Yes. And you spend virtually the main part of your professional life in criminology, law enforcement, trying to bring to justice, find justice for these sorts of things. For me, that's just an interesting juxtaposition because here is the God who takes, as you say, something that was meant for ill and changes it into something that is so profound. Clearly, you have our sort of theological language would be blessing. You have been a great blessing to not only both of your families, your biological and your adoptive family, but also to a whole community. I mean, virtually all of Northern Colorado, the nation when you were in the military and so forth. You said you wrote a column for the Colorado and for a couple of years, so clearly you can write. Obviously, you speak well. You wrote a book about this. What's it called? It's called Baby Boy R. Baby Boy R. I could think now for a year or two to try to figure out. It could baby, baby boy Ray, baby, but why baby boy R? You know, that's interesting. You said that because when I filed for the Freedom of Information Act by my documents from the state orphanage, right? All the notes that they had on me written about me whether I was seeing the doctor or if I was notes being taken about my behavior or some sort of an adoption relation to someone else that rejected me, they would always refer to me as baby boy R. They never said Ray or Randy Randolph is my legal person, but I go by my middle name Ray, my grandmother always call me Remundo, which means King of the World. So they won't go. You still have time, Ray. You still got a little bit of time left, right? That to me, I thought that's a perfect title. That's what I was known as. There wasn't a kinship or relationship at the orphanage. You're just one of a bunch of other kids, so you're just baby boy R. It's kind of like giving me a number. So I was going to say that's sort of one step up in some ways from just having a number, but it's of the same kind. Yeah, it's the same caliber and the same feeling and you're just one of many. Wow. And the orphanage intended me to be there for the rest of my life. Really? But I'd look at it as God intended me to come to for a cause. So he's in charge. Wow. So if folks wanted to get this book, they just go to Amazon, Amazon and Minds and Noble. Okay. And just say baby boy R or Ray Martinez and they can get it to tremendous book. And you help so many of us by describing your what we would call a journey. I would say feels like more of a trajectory than just a journey in a lot of ways. Just the fact that you knew from a young age the direction you wanted to go in your professional life. And along the way you came to faith. You started being one of those Jesus followers. Yes. Was that a moment in time or did that grow on? Or how did that just give us a snapshot of that? Well, when I look back in life, I see how all the dots were being connected, but long story short, I accepted Christ in January 16th, 1975 at 5 o'clock. Well, not that we're being specific. But I remember looking at my watch and I remember the moment. You were out of the army by that time. Yes. Was that the police department? Yes. It was in what we call building 103. It's like an annex building for patrol. Right. And Darrell O'Dell was my mentor back then. He was my sergeant and he was talking to me about Jesus all the time. And I was quizzing him on the hardest questions that I could. Yeah. But he was patient with me. Is that right? And that's where I accepted Christ. We were both in uniform. And just in our tour of a duty that day and I just knew that I knew that I knew. Wow. And Darrell himself was a police officer in Washington, DC, before he came here. That's right. My goodness. I love the tapestry of how people, this may not be an adequate term but are inserted into other people's lives or they meet on the road or whatever it is in order to have these kinds of things happen. So here you are again with a tremendous influence in this, you know, there are scores of people who have Ray Martinez's fingerprints on their soul for good things. And you're speaking, you've told your story in a synopsis form to us today. For the person sitting there who may be like you in terms of they don't know their roots or they know they are adopted but don't know biological family. Or you're on the other end of that where your mother was just a couple of thoughts as we wrap this up of encouragement for folks. If I could relate it in just a couple of ways and a couple of examples and I think about this often and you know in today's issues about abortion and pro choice and pro life and so many different arguments about it. And obviously I believe in life, otherwise I'd be cutting my own throat. But I remember watching years ago, I was on NBC or ABC, a popular priest in New York City who is very popular and well liked. And the final question to ask and says, what do you see is your purpose here? And he said something really startling to me that really maybe think. He said, I'm here to comfort those who are disturbed and to disturb the ones who are too comfortable. And I think in life sometimes we get just a little too comfortable. And I think God sometimes wants us to be a little uncomfortable so we can experience something new and greater with him. So being uncomfortable is okay. It was uncomfortable being transferred from different homes and I was a kid. It was uncomfortable initially coming to Fort Collins to be with my parents. I didn't know what a mom and dad was. But I learned this that mom and dads are not described in a dictionary. They're described by the way they treated you and the way they raised you. And that's how much love you have for them. And to me that is a remarkable thing. Helen Keller said that the most beautiful things in the world are neither seen nor touched. But they are felt in the heart. So how do you feel about your situation? I want to relay one more story to her and I was a kid. I didn't. My mother and I connected because we were very close and it was one thing after another. My dad worked hard. He was a bricklayer. This is your adoptive parent. My adoptive parent. So when I was a little kid he wanted to get more connected with me. So he started taking me to work with him. One time I was a little kid. A little bricks. But I was a hard carrier and there was a little kid, you know six years old at that point and just kind of riding along with him. And I'm in his big douche and a half truck which to me felt like a semi truck. And I was sitting next to him and we turned the corner driving down the street and all of a sudden the truck door flies open. And I started sliding out the truck and I always said if you could see blue sky you're in trouble. And my dad grabbed my ankle just as I was going out the truck he pulled me back in, tucked me under his arm. And he just kind of chuckled and I thought to myself that wasn't very funny. And then all of a sudden it snapped. It was just like as if God implant that into me says that this is what a father is. He knows when to rescue you. He knows how to take care of you. He knows how to comfort you at the right moment at the right time. And also my dad and I connect it. All of a sudden I realize that's my dad. That's my father. That's what a father does. And between the two of them, especially with my mom, we were so tied together. It was sad to see her in her last days and passing away and I was there with her when she passed away so that was a loving moment too. So I'm talking to a guy who had two mothers working for me. One that gave you biological life and one that gave you life with all of the pieces emotionally and psychologically. And you knew the arms of two mothers. Yes. That's an amazing story. I want to ask this one more time and then we're just going to sign off. So, or a Martinez, when your biological mother called you and said, Ray, this is your mother. Tell me again. My heart just sunk but yet it felt like it was exploding with joy. Sunk in the sense of you just caught your breath. Yes, it's like I had a take another breath. And, you know, God said he gives his breath, right? He breathed alive into us. I felt like all of a sudden it was being re-birthed again by my mother. And when she identified that, I knew I had her. That sounds like a law enforcement language. Ray, thanks a million for being with us this morning. Again, thank you enough for being willing to tell your story. And your mother's story, both moms, story on this Mother's Day week. And we just pray for the folks listening that some piece of what you have said will encourage them, give them strength, give them insight. And we're going with that. Is that okay? Never be ashamed to ask and inquire. It's always good. Well, I'll just say it in one of your mother tongues, which is Gracie's Edmonton. Oh, which is Gracie's time, yeah. That's it, friends. We're signing off for stories to make sense of it all. This is Dick Foss saying, catch you later. And thanks for listening. Bye-bye. You