The "FAMILY" Story -Part 3

Here we are again folks, this is Dick Foth, and we are speeding, really picking up speed toward Thanksgiving and Christmas that mostly are considered family times in a lot of ways. And over the last couple of podcasts we've been talking about the character of family, how some families don't fit that nuclear biological family concept. A lot of families don't. And we're talking with my friend, Kristen Orphan, who with her husband leads an effort called Finally Home, and we'll chat more about that. Over the last couple of podcasts I've introduced her to you, but I'm going to let you in on more of a full-bodied conversation here going forward. So here's my friend, Kristen Orphan, as we come again today with stories from the road. So Kristen, what is Finally Home? It is an act of obedience for our family to support others who are foster, adoptive, and kinship families to equip them so that children can enjoy the blessing of family. Can you describe for us what's a foster child? You know, the foster care system is our government's answer to when the biological family is not either safe or equipped or able to take care of their kids. And so there's this whole group of people really across the world who are recruited to be temporary because foster, don't know, it's just temporary stepping in so that children can be in a home with parents or a parent. I understand. I've heard this that part of the challenge with the fostering system is that a child can be moved. Yes, and one statistic says that if a child is never adopted, so in other words, grows up in foster care system until 18, they will be in an average of 13 placements. What's a kinship parent? In originally kinship refers to kin, which is family, right? So primarily and interestingly enough in our world, again, not just the United States, grandparents are the fastest growing population of foster parents or kinship parents raising grandkids and primarily because of the opioid epidemic throughout our nation. And so grandparents, great grandparents. Kinship can also refer to, of course, aunts uncles. However, there's a term called fictive kin, which basically the government uses as anyone connected to a child in relationship. And yet that just keeps getting extended. So it doesn't have to be a blood relative. It can be someone who knew someone who knew someone. And the idea is that there would be some sort of relational tie. What's that name again? F-I-C-T-I-V-E. We chatted about this before, Kristen, but give me a little bit of your backstory, if you will, and how you came to rise to the challenge or the opportunity of working with families like we're describing. You know, I did grow up in a nuclear family that is loving and I have a wonderful experience and family is a value to me. I married my husband 31 years ago and he did not have a great story. And so he was someone who had a broken family and the church really stepped up during some painful times. And his perspective on family was wider than mine. I would say that whether we stated it or not, we had a value in my family if you take care of your own. Whereas my husband Mark was the recipient of people beyond the family, really in the family of Christ, stepping in and he had this idea that when he built a family, he would like to adopt. Have children biologically, if it's God's will, and then adopt. And that was really new concept to me, but I was not opposed to it. So your idea, Kristen, of family grew mature, developed. We were young, we were married, we did have two biological sons, and then we had the opportunity to step in and become the legal guardians for Mark's youngest brother who's developmentally disabled. My idea of family began to expand really with my husband. As Kristen and I continued our conversation, she tossed in a couple of phrases that just captured my imagination. She talked about going from fear-based to faith-based. That's what she said. This idea of children moving or coming into your home and then leaving again did not fit my paradigm of family. And yet God moved us through various stages. I would say moved me from a fear-based to a faith-based approach or pursuit. And I remember a moment in time where I looked at Mark and I just said, this journey of adoption is not going to be about us. It's going to be about the children God brings. And for me, I look at that now and probably even people listening would be like duh. It just for me as a young woman who wanted very much to continue to be a mom and my definition of that was expanding. That was life changing. So as we moved along, I just was feeling overwhelmed with all the pieces of this. And my thought was, how do you do this? You're very little help. How do you do this? So finally, home came about in a season of extreme isolation, knocking on the door of depression, of just feeling overwhelmed by all that we had been through. And really sensing this call from the Lord that not only was this not going to be about us, it was about the children God called us to open our home to, but that it would be about other families like us, that we would be in a position of encouraging and equipping families at a time when we felt most ill-equipped and discouraged. One of the things that was great fun for me a few months ago is that Kristen had asked if I would do a little video piece, sort of a information promotional piece, for one of their programs for fostering kinship kids and adopted kids. And they called this program or these events super heroes academy, where they are trying to instill and grow in these children, concepts of integrity, face, resiliency, all of the things you want a child to have, and you work pretty hard at it in a nuclear biological family. But for some of these children, they've had very little opportunity for that. So I had just a lovely conversation with several of the children. And one of the things that I ask them along the way, and you'll hear this, is how do you deal with self-control? And they illustrated two techniques, if I can put it that way. And one, and I don't know exactly what they call it, but you put your hand palm down, and then you run your index finger down on the inside of the thumb and up over the index finger, and you do it sort of like your climbing valleys and going into mountains. And while you do that, you breathe slower. That's one of the exercises. The other one is that you clench your fists in front of you, hold your arms out and clench your fists, and just sort of get as tense as you can and then take a deep breath and let it go. And these three young folks were telling me about that, and here it is. I have a hard time regulating for me, and I don't have that much self-control at it, but I know a lot of strategies, and it's hard for me to use them when I feel like exploding. So I like doing this thing, Abial taught me, or would cost you already do this, and just it comes right down. And you breathe in when you do it. So yeah, like, my cow is down. He also does rock to socks. Like, so you do like a relief, you make your hands look like rocks, and you do your hardest motion, and then you'll let it, like, wiggle out. I just love the chat with those kids. They were sharp, they were attentive, they were polite, just wonderful kids. And if you'd like to see that full, I think it's about six and a half minute video piece. Go to finallyhome.net. It'll be there. So Kristen, I want to come back to both categories and names. Talk to us about even how we categorize these children and young people. One of the things that is so very important is that it's actual people and names and faces and precious little ones that are just trying to grow up. And that's what I love about finallyhome is getting to meet actual people and go well beyond the labels and the scary things like foster system or government involvement and all of that. The thing that struck me along the way is how challenging and tough this work is. Both for the parents, for the children, and for the folks who work with finallyhome who are supporting and encouraging and creating events and opportunities to learn and grow in how we live in a situation like this and grow in a situation like this. I love what Kristen said about a father's heart. What children go through is not fun to talk about. What has created the damage and the brokenness is the lowest and the darkest of the dark. And that's why I think James says this is pure religion because what gets perpetrated on children is so against the father's heart. So as we wrap this up, I ask the question, what does finallyhome bring to families? We're going to say to these moms and dads who've stepped in. We see you. We love you. We're going to give you some tools and we're going to walk alongside of you and we're going to invite you to invite Jesus into this. And that's really the only way that there is hope. And finally, one of the things that came to mind as I was chatting with Kristen was for the years that Ruth and I spent in Washington DC, those 15 years, one of the things that I became very aware of, acutely aware, was the fact that in a culture where we spend our time with big groups, spending time with the ones on the twos and the threes has a profound impact. Well, that's it for today. I encourage you to check out finallyhome.net. Not only could we and you, hopefully, receive insight and encouragement in terms of what is being done to work with these families and children across the United States and other places in the world, but also you might have an interest in getting involved or you might want to support this effort. I never ask for things like that. And I would just like to encourage you to go to that website, finallyhome.net and check it out. I am very touched and moved by what I see and what I've experienced with them. So that's it for today. Thanks for listening in. I just am always grateful to be able to spend this little time with you. Hope you're encouraged. I'm encouraged just even by thinking about some of these themes that we've chatted about the last few podcasts. And we'll be in Thanksgiving week before you know it and we'll catch you again then. God bless, take full signing off. Bye-bye.